omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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