I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
