Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
