it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
