Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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