Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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