I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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