Swine flu. Run for my life!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need to calm my uterus...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
