I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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