Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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