tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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