I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
