btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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