Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this will be a night to untag.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
