i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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