Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
