**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
