out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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