He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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