Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
