Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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