Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
