Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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