I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
