On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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