How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
