Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
