Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
