i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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