well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
