He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dick very happy bro
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
