I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
