The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
