Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
