I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
