i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
