So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
