It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
