new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
