Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
