I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dick very happy bro
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
