Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
