3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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