marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
