I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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