last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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