$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
