i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
