Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
