dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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