I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
