hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
