OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
