thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this will be a night to untag.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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